forty-Three

I don't know how many rough patches there has been with my mother... but another one just happened. You know she is financially supporting me right now. But there is soo much more than just money and those are the parts she lacks. She needs to understand that I'm not only her daughter but a woman as well. I've been so sensitive and I blame her for at least 75% of my emotional crisis. The other 25% deals with school and my menstrual cycle and possibly my boyfriend. But goodness gracious she's soo HARDCORE! I don't know what she is lacking in life right now. I know she's going through menopause but DAWM... no one said it will be this hard. She's making me upset with everyone. She makes me act like some kind of ticking bomb. I take it off on all the wrongs persons. And this totally affects my school stuff. Especially now that i just started this summer semester. I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO STRUGGLE! I want to be very focused. I want to try and make all A's. Not only that but I am taking a course that does not relate to anything of Dental hygiene. It's math and I'm taking it virtually. Meaning I need to spend more hours on the comp. And not have ADD and wonder off to myspace... facebook... or blogger lol! which i am right now. I'm suppose to be applying for financial Aid. =/ But yeah... anyway she's totally annoying me and she's making me really angry and upset. I want to scream and bitch but FUCK im too tired to do that. I hate fighting with her. I feel like there is no use. She will never listen and she will never ever ever understand. I'm not trying to sound emo and make it dramatic. It's seriously how i feel right now. She makes me just want to stay in my room and not do anything. This is why i need to be out of my house as soon as I wake up till the time she is about to go to sleep. Seriously. Well i have to go... I should shower. Kelly Clarkson Video 

Forty

Today has been the laziest day ever... not only that but filled with arguments. I don't understand why the heck my mother has been so angry at me. I have not been here for the past week and I get home and she's all AHHHHHHHHHH! I know she's having problems with dad but man don't take it out on me. @ ALL! There's no food in the house and all I hear her saying is that all I do is study and work.... Last time I checked that was the right thing to do. I don't know man... I come home stressed and she just makes it worst. As for Monchi.. He's good. He's slept the whole day with me. And now Im going to have to leave him because I'm going to the Keys with Elliott and his family. He kinda pissed me off too. Because I'm here telling him what's going on and he did not respond to nothing. Next time i won't tell him CRAP! I don't know.. I think im about to get period and maybe this is why everything is coming @ me the wrong way. Another bad news... Leslie lost her camera.. and all the Orlando pictures have been terminated. =/

Twenty-One

I will not make the same mistakes that you did  I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery  I will not break the way you did  You fell so hard  I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far   Because of you  I never stray too far from the sidewalk  Because of you  I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt  Because of you  I find it hard to trust  Not only me, but everyone around me  Because of you  I am afraid   I lose my way  And it's not too long before you point it out  I cannot cry  Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh Every day of my life  My heart can't possibly break  When it wasn't even whole to start with   Because of you  I never stray too far from the sidewalk  Because of you  I learned to play on the safe side  So I don't get hurt  Because of you  I find it hard to trust  Not only me, but everyone around me  Because of you  I am afraid   I watched you die  I heard you cry Every night in your sleep  I was so young  You should have known better than to lean on me  You never thought of anyone else  You just saw your pain  And now I cry  In the middle of the night  For the same damn thing  Because of you  I never stray too far from the sidewalk  Because of you  I learned to play on the safe side  So I don't get hurt  Because of you  I tried my hardest just to forget everything  Because of you  I don't know how to let anyone else in  Because of you  I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  Because of you  I am afraid   Because of you Because of you