One Hundred Thirty-Five

What has happened to me?

I started school so eager to help people's mouth and see outcomes. And now I just want to get the job done and next. I was reading my essay application for Jamaica and I noticed I have changed so much. I was so eager to try and go and help and see and conquer. Do I still want those same things? I still talk about it when asked. But is it still my passion? I don't know if break-ups are suppose to take down every other feeling I have inside of me. But this is exactly how it feels. This shit sucks. I was voted fundraiser of my class and I don't think I have done something out of the ordinary. This is exactly why for the break and I am going to do the things I once had fun doing. The things that excited me, the things that made me join this program. I don't want to go back to school and dread it. I have a very difficult semester coming up and I need to find the good before I focus on the bad. Maybe it's also because school was so overwhelming and the break still hasn't hit me yet. But whatever it is.. it's not going to last long because I am going to find what I lost. This person that has taken control of me will not have that power anymore. I am almost finished with The Host, and when I'm done I will start reading the Pathology book and Periodontology, and then I have to find the book from Erica

Yong, Fear of Flying. I need to set up goals in order to attain them. I can't just walk without crawling. It's like starting all over again, but when I get to the person I once was, I just have to continue building her from where I left off. I just have to find her again.

So tonight we celebrated Jenny's 22 birthday over at Monty's. It was nice because the moon was Full. That's what that yellow dot in the back of me is in the picture. I got a little tipsy. I drank something called pain killer. It has 3 varieties #1,2,3. 1=1 shot of rum; 2=2 shots of rum and so forth. I had #2 so that it won't be beginners or expert. lol. Even though the pain I have cannot be taken away with this. Of that I was sure. I mean if everyone can cure their heart aches with a drink called painkiller the world would be a little... to easy. Don't you think? Any who I had a good time and for the most part, the pain was bearable.