Two Hundred and Fifteen

Today was just one of those days that everything just went my way.
Woke up at 7:15 AM. got dressed in 5 seconds. out the door and ready by 7:30 AM. got to school at 8:15 AM. Didn't have a mask. Ask Solange for a mask. Decontaminated. Assembled the goodie Halloween bags. Saw my AM patient. Completed her. No calculus or plaque. 100%. My third contract. Gave my lunch to Jess. Sold the goodie Halloween bags. Left school. Took a nap with Monchi. Got dressed and did my hair. Went to see the grand kids. Saw Elliott. Nothing bad happened. Didn't feel any awkwardness. Got home. Lisette picked me up. Went to airport. Parked. Chilis. There was no 2 4 1. Presidente Margaritas. Two of them. Sharing is caring. Got on the plane. No one sat next to me. Joe Biden (Mr. Vice President) was traveling in Ft. Lauderdale also. No plane could take off until he's was airborne. Got to ATL at 9:40 PM. Connection flight departs at 9:55 PM. Flight attendant said I missed the second flight. Went to counter. Next flight leaves tomorrow morning. Flight attendant double checked. Flight was held. "If you fly like the wind and make it to the terminal you can make the flight." I flew like the wind. Didn't take the train. Ran. Ran. Ran. Went up the escalator. c18 to d3. Ran. Ran. Ran. Boarded plane. First Class! Baby crying next to me. Blasted music... still first class! Worried about my luggage not making it to Detroit with me. Passengers were saying it didn't make it. Still stayed positive. Looked at the carousel. One of the first bags out. Looked outside airport window. Megan waving welcome sign. Finally in Detroit. Incubus marathon all the way to apartment. Halloween was written all over the streets of East Lansing. People walking around in costumes. Brought smiles to my face. Got to apartment watched Grey's. Cuddled with Megan!

One Hundred Ninety-Two

Whether gift or curse

I was brought to this world with something others don't have.

I have yet to learn how to use it

as of now it just comes naturally.

It's something that has occurred in various occasions.

It's starts at the pit of my stomach

and it rises all the way to the tip of my tongue.

When this happens,

I know something is not right.

I can't tell the future, I do not really know what's going to happen.

But when this feeling does occur.

I always know something is wrong.

Something out of the ordinary is about to happen.

It first happened when I found out my parents got divorced.

The whole day I felt sick, until my aunt came up to me and she told me my mom is no longer married to my father.

That tore me apart

Then a few years later, it happened again.

The news was I was going to be a big sister.

Not from both of my parents.

But just my dad's kid.

As time went by I forgot about this feeling.

I started my first long term relationship.

That knot in my stomach happened.

I knew I was going to loose my virginity.

Sounds lame, maybe unreal but I knew.

Then a few months later

to discover I was getting played.

I didn't have to look no further,

The tangles of my intestines just kept knotting.

Few days later, I read it on a myspace page.

Today I was working out,

I saw him all dressed up

I knew it.

I didn't have to ask but I just wanted to confirm.

I couldn't even reach my house without having the feeling to throw up.

I called and from there I had it.

The truth.

Not sensitive,

just thrown out flat.

Does he know he hurts me?

Does he know that the coldness just leaves me to pain?

When darkness turns to light,

it ends tonight.

This is the end.

No more wondering what will happen.

No more thinking he's the one.

His insensitive just broke the last piece of me.

And whoever reads this and thinks it's foul

He's foul for doing what he's doing to me.

He fed me lies, and I believed them.

Now only to throw me around like dirt.

Stupid me keeps asking if he hates me.

What kind of question is that?

He never loved.

When you love someone

you just don't treat them bad.

I have a picture for today but I just don't want to post it.

It's something happy.

Truth be told, I am not.

I'm torn.

I just never knew he would do me like that.

But not to worry.

I've learned bad, hurtful situations will constantly arise;

how we handle them is all that matters in the end.

So this is my happy photo.

My scholarship money.

Hopefully I save this money and use it for my national exam.

Today they told us everything is changing for our class.

From computer test

to radiographs

to full mouth probes

and

infection control

YAY

Can't wait for March.

My grumpy pants were just put on and I don't think I will be changing them in a while.

"You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there,
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done"

-Avril Lavigne

One Hundred Eighty-Two

Since I have better news I will write it on top of the depressing one.

I just got home and read the letter that notified me I won the scholarship I applied for a couple months back. I will be receiving the award/check next week Friday when I arrive at Orlando. I am so excited about this... Next week is going to be full of mixed emotions. I will be presenting my table clinic (which I haven't practice for). I will be receiving this check of $500. I will be going to Disney's theme parks, including Epcot which I've never been to. The people that I will be going with are the closest friends I've had in hygiene except for Jessica because her mom happens to get married the same weekend. It kind of sucks that I am not going to be a part of the wedding but she knows I would if I could. I'm really glad my mood is changing. I've had a sucky week. Thinking about a certain somebody that I know doesn't think of me anymore. I don't understand why on Earth I am getting the depressed symptoms now that it's been more than a month. I mean I've been pretty strong about it so why change now? I hope it was just a phase... maybe because I could be getting my monthly friend. Speaking of which, I haven't gotten her in a while and I missed my gyno appointment today. I'm telling you, I've been on a row this week. I'm just glad it's over and done with and now it's the weekend so I get to soak up and relax before the next one comes.

So I went to Olive Gardens with Leslie and Jessica today and I am still super duper stuffed from all the bread/salad/pasta!!! Oh the many carbs I devoured. Not to mention the margarita as well. Well the napkin in my chin was because every time I grabbed a spoonful of pasta, it never failed to drip on my chin lol. We couldn't stop cracking up. At least we worked out our abs from too much laughter. Any who I got back to Jessica's and started feeling stupid and blah....

"Well my diamond mean............

Ok I like diamonds and like I said it takes a diamond to cut another diamond meaning it needs something as strong as its self to bring it down to size I and I feel that I need someone just as strong as me to cut me down so am basically looking for another diamond

Make sanse?

Sense*"

***********

So to his definition, was I never his diamond?

Was I never as strong as him in order to share our lives together?

Is there a better diamond for his lifestyle?

Will there ever be one for me?

I don't want a new one...

I just want to finish cutting this one.

I was almost done and about to wear it as a shiny diamond ring on the finger next to the pinky that runs a vein directly to my heart.

One Hundred Fifty-Six

aph·ro·di·si·ac

Why is it that I never eat sushi with a boy?

lol

So I finally saw the one time summer movie I've been wanting to see.

Too bad it wasn't with the person who I first said to watch it with me.

C'est la vie

Someone decided to bring their baby over to watch the movie as well

and let me tell you that it was so annoying.

I love babies... but don't bring one to a 10pm showtime

You know your baby is going to cry.

Then they get mad because they're getting shhhhed at

of course you're going to get reprimanded.

RUDE and CHEAP people

too broke to afford a babysitter

The movie brought back so many good memories

but I know I can never have that with him anymore.

Because whatever we both have become,

we do not have the undo buttons

to go back and start over again.

Maybe it is better this way.

who knows?

I will be a Dental Hygienist

by the end of this year

that I do know

and I also know I will start seeking

on travel plans

maybe a study abroad.

Those are the goals

I know how to control

and I am sticking to those.

One Hundred Fifty-Four

"It's not about proceeding for the right thing, but also proceeding at the right time."

Dropping off Megan today at the airport, I saw this little buddy.

And later on today...

can you guess where it's aiming to?

I'm in the biggest discomfort right now as I type.

I hate boys and their stupid penises.

And again we're off to another breakup.

I was surfing channels and I stopped at 21

and Joel Osteen was preaching...

God is simply amazing.

He just knows where to reach you

and what to say.

I feel better.

One Hundred Fifty-Three

Booty booty booty booty rocking everywhere.

haa haa

today Angela was telling a story about "booty" spray

that makes is smell like Booty

and so I mentioned how Booty is boo's dog

and when I come in and say "it smells like booty"

it can be taken 2 ways

lol whatever inside joke for those who are lost.

Today was our first "patient" day

lordy lord.

hectic yet fun

I must admit.

Morning patient AWESOME

Afternoon patient coo coo for cocoa puffs

That's all I will mention.

And that I love my friends

if it weren't for them

none of this would be so easy.

I received some news today

which I didn't know how to take

I'm still &%*$#@!

lol

any ways...

I went to Boo's house

he cooked me my favorite dish.

mash potatoes and chicken

yum yum yum!!!!!

I've been missing out on a lot because of my brain

But I swear I don't mean it

My thoughts just get the best of me.

or worst?

I interviewed his grandma

which made me a little sad..

I wish I could interview my grandma

It's not fair sometimes...

it really isn't

People say I don't care

BUT I really do I just don't want to affiliate.

whatever... I'm not going to start..

I have some interesting stuff to write about on the essay.

Wait and see

I might post it.

One Hundred Fifty-Two

Today would have been the first day of school

if it wasn't that Miami-Dade didn't change their policy.

Anyways, I went to the freshman orientation that left me at a stage of shock

I still cannot believe I am a senior

I remember looking at the clinic manual and reading stuff

that only applied to clinic 4 and 5

and thinking to myself,

I wish I was there already...

guess what?

I'm there already

it feels like just yesterday.

Anyways, today we had communities

and I think that this will be my favorite class

When I had to do the service learning

back in clinic 1 or 2

(can't really remember)

I enjoyed it so much.

And this is what this class is all about.

From now on, every time I hear

"The Climb"

from Miley Cyrus

I will forever think of Dental Hygiene

Dr. Kass had passed outthe lyrics to the song

and to me it was very meaningful

(Truly)

ok... skipping the emo part.

after class, Lellanis, Jessica, and I

were talking about prego and I walked into the sign that's above.

So I took it as a sign:

Lellanis is pregnant

and the way the sun was hitting

I think she's having a boy.

=D

watch and see ladies and gents

I know you're reading

BTW

I really messed up tonight

took respect and shoved it out the door

(more like slammed it)

I blew it

One Hundred Fifty-One

One more kiss could be the best thing

Or one more lie could be the worst

And all these thoughts are never resting

And you're not something I deserve.

-3 Doors Down

One Hundred Forty-Eight

"I got a skunk in my cup

If you smell it come and get it

shawty i don't give a %$#@"

Skig love..

haa the good old days.

They are slowly coming back.

I spoke to him today.

I mentioned someone I thought I was going to regret.

But I think it actually made him think.

Let's see what happens.

.......

Nothing freaking happened.

He doesn't notice anything.

Maybe like a 3 hour convo with the sister

I think she's the only one that I can speak to bout him.

It's weird because she's not my sister but I know she reasons with who ever actually has it.

And she sees things that I do that he can't.

AHH why can't it be vice versa?

One Hundred Forty-Seven

My almost perfect diamond.

Too bad almost doesn't count.

"You and me

We used to be together

Everyday together always

I really feel

That I'm losing my best friend

I can't believe

This could be the end

It looks as though you're letting go

And if it's real

Well I don't want to know"

One Hundred Forty-Three

Monchi lost his virginity today.

Hopefully Molly becomes a momma.

Someone also decided to apologize and walk the plank for forgiveness.

I was waiting on that. Maybe we needed time. But whatever it was that was needed, it happened. And now we're back together. lol. Let's see how this pulls through.

“A boy is a magical creature, you can lock him out of your workshop, but you can’t lock him out of your heart. You can get him out of your study, but you can’t get him out of your mind.”

One Hundred Thirty-One

There's just too many pictures for this particular day. Today is Monchi's Birthday. I decided to throw him a pool party and invite his buddies. I got 3 kitty pools, water balloons, food, treats, toys, etc. We had too much fun. Everyone ended up inside the pools because the boys were just throwing everyone. Of course I have to swallow that nasty water. I start coughing and almost gaged. YUCK! I just have to post more pictures because I cannot just pin point the best one. So the first one was of all the people that were there at the time. (Pegasus, Blacky, Candy, Domino, Killer missing) I actually wanted a picture with all the dogs inside but I knew that was not going to happen. Some doggies jumped right out as soon as they were put inside the pool. It was hilarious. The next picture is of the one and only love of my life. I still can't believe he's a BIG boy already.

We (Amy, Vero, and I) went to Walmart last night and had an adventure. Of course the tie was spotted and was bought and worn today. He really did look like the Birthday Boy. He was just adorable. You can tell he had a lot of fun.... which leads me to the next picture:

The party also brought many hormones. So seriously a lot of that was going on throughout the day. Killer got his lipstick showing and couldn't seem to put it away. I took a picture of that but I rather not show since I wanna post other cute pictures.

The next picture is of the girls getting

thrown in the pool.

Yes,

I was pushed in too as mentioned earlier

and

I swallowed a whole bunch of water.

This one is pretty self-explanatory.

The babes, and I <3

And last but not least, I'm posting the picture that made me crack up hysterically. There's too much meaning in this one i love it a lot.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONCHI!

One Hundred Twenty-Four

A day @ the gynecology is no fun.

But I came back home to a splendid surprise.

Well I never went home..

We finally spoke about nearly everything

Next friday: LASER SHOW!

I worked out A LOT today

(or should I say tonight)

One Hundred Twenty-Two

Never did I end up seeing him on the day of his birthday.

Never did I get to be creative with his present.

Never did I show him the souvenir I got him.

I wasted the gas of sparking it too much.

I sat down today and similar to Aaliyah

I wrote him a 3 page letter.

Letting him know about the emotions kept inside.

to be continued.

One Hundred Twenty-One

.M.A.S.H.

(Mansion.Apartment.Shelter.House)

Girls are never too old to be young.

Happy Birthday to him.

One hundred-nineteen

With one week left of summer classes..

our class decided to throw a potluck

we had doughnuts, lasagna , these little rolls of cheese ham and other stuff that were delicious.

Besides food, we had a lot of fun... there was nothing being said of pharmacology and clinic

it was just actual conversation. It was enjoyable.

Next week pharm. final!

AHH

Then after school, another fun-filled afternoon with Jesso Dezzle.

I love my friends. We can be stupid together and not care.

(As long as there is no one around lol)

=DD

P.S I saw Ugly Truth today...

I decided to end my relationship b/c someone decided to call and report at 8 pm

I was a whole day without knowing where he was... and he was not home he was out and about with his friends and he couldn't spare 5 seconds of his day to call me and tell me what he's up to. And of course at 8 he started spilling excuses on why he couldn't call me. I don't need that crap. It's bad enough I don't see him ever. Now I need to hear excuses. I've never been so disappointed at him like this. I thought he was better than this. I thought he actually was respectful and kind. Whatever moving on.. I went with the future pilot. The movie is great I totally recommend it to anyone! Heigel is the shiiiit thank god she is not quiting grey's.

One hundred-Eighteen

LECHE!!!!!!!

lmaoo... I'm still laughing at the stupid comment of Raque and Mr. Jack Sinister (which i have yet to meet). Sometimes I wonder if my cousin is right in the head... but other times I'm just like.. if she doesn't do things this way, then it's not her. ANYWAYS.. right now im currently doing my hair! THIS ALWAYS GETS ME IN A BAD FREAKING MOOD!!!!! maybe it's because of the fact that she has no consideration of me being a human and that I feel pain. She thinks I'm a Dexter or something!! I wanted to go darker but of course... she always wants to do what she wants!! So i got highlights. I don't worry cause fuck it, my hair is gonna fade out in about 2-3 weeks and I re-do it.

I'm really suppose to be studying pharm.. but as you know.. that is not happening either. I've just been extremely busy with everything lately. And if I'm not busy, then I'm really tired. Thank goodness I finally have an insurance. I went to do a checkup the other day and he just asked a lot of questions and very little assessment. I am no doctor but I am in the dental hygiene program and I do know a lot of facts. I do know you are suppose to take my temp. and state it in my chart and not make up a random number (98.6F) just because.. what if I really had a fever? And what's up with the medical assistant not knowing what Albuterol is for. UGH! I don't have any luck with doctors.. hopefully the OB/GYN I'm going to next week is good. I really need questions answered in that category and I just want to feel the way a patient is suppose to.

Any who boy toy and I... yes we're back together but it sure doesn't feel that way. He's phone got disconnected and I haven't spoken to him in almost 2 days. We've been playing phone tag. Finally a little while ago he called me just to tell me hi and that he's going to play baseball. UM okkk correct me if I'm wrong but after a break aren't you suppose to feel relieved.. happy... innocent.... fresh start? I feel like this break didn't do anything. If anything make us much more distant than what we were. I really hate this... because he used to be the one person I can tell everything to.. and now I spend the majority of the time bickering to peeps about us. That's not healthy either but I need to talk to someone and about something.

On sunday is his birthday and we haven't even spoken about what he wants to do. I don't know what I am going to do about us anymore.. and then I feel like all the time I'm just making excuses for him to do what he's doing but I don't even know what he's thinking in he's head and if he even cares about anything. I can only stay positive for so long. And I cannot keep giving him the benefit of the doubt when he's not proving anything.

And then I got other people saying they want me as copilot. IM JUST VERY CONFUSED!

I need to stop writing before it becomes and even BIGGER issue.

P.S

We painted Monchi's nails... he was so calm and stylish afterwards. I swear he is the best dog ever. I think thats one of the reasons why these issues have been so okay to deal with. He is the one I come home to and fills me up with kisses. Baby he's my A thing lol! he's all i ever wanted. We can do it real big.. bigger than u ever done it.

One hundred-fourteen

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

.........

and this is for the ones who want a laugh...

One Hundred-Thirteen

DAY 7:

See new places, see different faces

fortunately it ends here..

or should I say start.

reSTART

One Hundred-Twelve

DAY6:

Hello Key West, show me some relaxation in this get-a-way.